Playing Russian Roulette
by Trixfan
Summary: Uncovering three Russian spies living and working in New York City brings unwanted memories for Jane. Can she work them out before it's too late, or will they threaten her existence in this new life she's attempting to create? Spoilers for everything up to ep 10. Slight changes to chapter 1.
1. Chapter 1

Hi all. I've been writing for well over thirty years, anything from Regency Romance to Space Epics. Alas, I have so many other stories on the go right now, I really shouldn't be starting this one. However Blindspot, for what it hints at but refuses to divulge, has captured my imagination. When I heard Jane and Weller's conversation in this little scene in episode 10, my imagination just couldn't let it go. I knew I had to put my own spin on it.

Thank you to whoever transcribed all the episodes so far. Without your assistance I couldn't have started this story or checked the accuracy of flash back scenes. They can be found on the net by searching transcriptions, Blindspot.

Finally, this is just a teaser, to see if you like my writing style. If you do, send me a fave, review or follow so I know to continue. Until then, I hope you enjoy and any mistakes are mine as this has not been beta'd, but I'm looking for one if you want to volunteer.

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The black, unmarked SUV sped through the streets of Brooklyn. Its lights flashing and siren screaming, FBI Special Agent Kurt Weller announced his presence to all the world in a blaze of sound and colour. He needed to be in Queens, PRONTO and he didn't care who he needed to go through to get there. The light traffic for midday during the week, meant the journey would take at least thirty minutes but not more than forty. Insulated from the noise and humanity outside the cabin, Jane sat in her seat and watched her partner of a little over two months. So much had occurred in that time, yet Weller remained a mystery to her in so many ways.

Strong hands held the wheel, his expertise guided them on their journey. His eyes focused on the road ahead, missing nothing. Yet Weller's mind would be concentrating on the assembling the puzzle, piece by piece. So far he'd said little, devoting his enormous intelligence to the sorting out the facts. Kurt Weller would always try to weave known data into the current case in any way that made sense. His serious expression almost willing other drivers out of their path so they could reach Olivia Delidio just a little faster and gather just a little more clarity. He wanted to solve this case before someone else ended up hurt, or worse, dead.

"How could the Russians be so sure their agents could get these people to marry them?" Jane wondered out loud.

After the silence between them, she wondered just were the statement came from. The thought just popped into Jane's head, taking up root and refusing to leave until she'd voiced it. Those agents, one men and two women, had been trained to live a lie. They'd constructed a life toying with the emotions of another person, integrating themselves into a foreign culture. It seemed inconceivable to Jane who knew nothing of her previous life but would give anything to uncover her past.

Yet, Kate Williams and Rodger Levkin integrated faultlessly into New York society. In ten years, they hadn't once done or said anything to call their positions and respectability into question. For all intense and purpose, they were everyday American citizens going about their business. Only under that facade lay the real individual, well-hidden and sleeping until called upon to act.

Turning his sea green eyes toward the woman seated beside him, Weller gave Jane's confusion a moment to calm before answering. "I'm sure they profiled their targets for years," he stated, pausing for effect while returning his attention to the road, "creating matches based on personalities, interests."

"That's a lot of effort," Jane frowned. The words hit a cord in her mind, sending her thoughts into chaos.

No longer considering the individuals in terms of their missions, she deliberated only the human aspect of this transaction. To remain loyal to an ideal so far in the past while living in the present must create a dichotomy within ones psyche. How could you be yourself and yet lie to everyone around you? How could you keep to a mission when the people and world around you changed so dramatically?

In the recesses of Jane's mind a memory, no several, stirred. Firstly of the man with the deep rooted tattoo of a tree covering his inner forearm. Then of the passion they'd once shared. Finally came the last memory of returning his engagement ring. Jane had never put them in this order before but, now she did, they made sense. It was Tree Man's comment, "you don't have to do that," which caused a feeling of foreboding, as if Jane had given up something precious in the moments before she'd walked out. She remembered answering, "yes, I do," while her fingers kept a loving contact as long as possible. Not knowing when the memory came from, it confused her. Then she'd ended up, tattooed, naked and freezing in Time Square without an idea of who she'd once been. The similarity of situation didn't elude her.

"It's worth it for them," Weller broke into her silent moment of thoughtful reserve. He didn't seem to notice her preoccupation, as his own mind worked on the case before him. "Being able to assimilate so they prevent getting caught."

"But still," Jane argued, those emotions of something tangible just on the tip of her tongue but unable to formulate the words, caused a shiver run the length of her spine, "to just give up your whole life like that. I wonder if they ever regretted it."

And in that moment she knew, deep down in the very blackest recesses of her mind, she'd regretted giving up Tree Man. She couldn't help the feeling it had been something she'd needed to do. Just a few days ago, Jane told Weller she thought she'd been engaged once, that fragments of her past life invaded her conscious. She'd shrugged off the memories and allowed Boden to suggest the wet dreams could be her way of seeking stability, grounding herself in this new life. Had Jane really been looking for a future by digging herself into this new role as Kurt Weller's partner and consultant to the FBI? Yet, at the very edge of her subconscious, a filament, a thread threatened to unravel, to undo her current stability and understanding of all she become. Somehow, this Russian situation rang alarm bells that were way to close to home.

And yet, she felt afraid to pick at that stitch holding a monumental discovery concerning her former self. Once undone, like Pandora's Box, she'd never be able to put the contents back. There would be no going back from some knowledge. Instinctively, Jane knew time would force her to look into the wound and tear it open. For the moment she'd been saved from doing just that, as the opportunity slipped away.

Turning to look out the window, because Weller was just way to perceptive were her emotions were concerned, Jane hid her face from him. She needed time and distance to figure this out. She needed to understand why the thought of living a lie hurt so much. And somewhere in all that, she had to wonder just how ending her engagement to Tree Man fitted into the picture, because somehow, she knew him to be the root of her current problem.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to those who took the time to fave, review or follow. There will be four or five chapters to this short work. I'm only going to the spoilers of episode 11. Come on February.

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The case had ended, finally and there was no closure to be found. David was still dead. Olivia Delidio would spend the rest of her life behind bars without contact with her husband or children. Roger Levkin, unable to complete is mission and take his wife with him to the grave, became another suicide statistic. Kate William's chose to end her own life, defending a country that killed her parents and left a small child to stave. She'd payed the ultimate price to keep her secrets and no one would ever know of her dedication. That, Jane reflected, resonated with her. The question, _have I paid the ultimate price_ , continued to plague her mind. Somewhere in the recesses, an echo answered both yes and no at the same moment, confusing her further.

Memories of a large room, filled with stinking, half-starved children flickered across Jane's mind as she re-examined the little she knew of herself. Jane had been one of those very same kids, left in her own filth and deliberately neglected to break her spirit. How she knew, she couldn't say. Perhaps the tangible feelings accompanying the image just seemed too surreal for a young child to recall such horrors, unless she'd be subjected to it in reality.

However, Jane knew, in the core of her being, that they'd never succeeded, even if they believe the opposite. Weller said she never gave up, perhaps those faceless, nameless individuals had forced Jane to become more than they'd anticipated. Somehow, she'd made it out of that pit of inequity and survived her childhood, to become what, she didn't know. The one aspect of her personality, displayed time and time again, seemed to be her empathy. Given her supposed childhood experience, that seemed absurd.

Jane learnt from the image of shooting a nun and feeling sick for days, that snapshots could not be trusted. They could represent anything, be assigned any meaning without a context in which to understand them. The fact that the nun had been a well-armed assassin only came back after speaking with Weller and Zapata about good people. And Jane knew she was a good person, with the skills to be used for evil, in the wrong hands.

In this particular case, Jane's intuition once again helped break Olivia when she felt a kinship with the woman. Her empathy blew the case wide open. "God help me," Mrs Delidio whispered in her native Russian, another language Jane understood. That comment cemented her next actions because she instinctively understood what the woman had to be feeling at that moment in time. Jane knew the woman no longer believed in the mission but her indoctrination proved to be strong to be overcome without help. Only Olivia's love of her husband and children broke her resolve and saved the life of Senator Reiwolt.

Regret, Jane knew, was a powerful tool and to easily manipulated. She'd experienced regret more and more often as her previous life threatened to return, and then failed to materialise. Often it stirred echoes of the feelings she'd once experienced for Tree Man. The emotion accompanying any image of the man seemed all too real[MT1] . Jane suffered an acute bout of melancholy upon leaving him in those limited memories. Still, there had to be something about those recollections she was missing because she didn't understand why a woman in love would walk out on her prospective husband feeling that way.

These emotions plagued her throughout this mission, taunting Jane. Something significant, some small detail she'd so far ignored seemed to pull her back into that space, demining she review even the tiniest clue and uncover what it meant. For days, at the least opportunity, Jane had deliberately pulled out that memory and examined it from every angle. So far she'd been unable to locate the suture holding it all together and unlocking the mystery.

"Hey," swallowing hard, Paterson silently entered the locker room and took a seat on the bench.

The blonde being able to sneak up on her like that, demonstrated how much of Jane's mental ability had been diverted to her personal quest. Not quite knowing what to say, Jane closed the metal door as quietly as she shut down her thoughts. Standing in the middle of the room, she waited, patiently for Paterson to state speaking. The woman being here could only mean one thing. She needed to speak about David now his killer had finally been caught.

"I…I wanted to thank you. If... If we didn't get her... I..." sighing, Patterson looked to the gold band on her right hand and fiddled with it. Finally she turned her blue eyes toward Jane, emotion leaking from them, but so far no tears. "Thank you."

"I wish that there was more that I could do," Jane tried to sympathise. While she'd lost the Tree Man, it had been of her own volition. At least that's what seemed clear from her limited visions. Paterson lost her lover because of Jane's inked body. She felt somewhat responsible and yet, she knew David made his choice to become involved. He'd paid a very high price for his curiosity.

"I thought that if... if I... solved this, and if I found his killer, I would feel... uh..." Once again lost for words, Patterson paused. Jane gave her all the time she needed to gather her thoughts. "I... But I feel the same. Just... empty. Like solving this didn't change anything. Is that what it's like for you?" Those blue eyes speared Jane, demanding to know. Rationally, Patterson knew the answer. "With the tattoos?" When Jane nodded and bit her lip, she continued, "that's awful. I just wish I could relive the last few weeks."

"Hey," Jane approached, taking the space beside the only person who'd accepted her on first sight. Paterson trusted her and Jane wanted to say the right words, words that would help start her on the path to healthy grieving. "You can't think like that," she offered lamely.

"I mean," sighing, Patterson finally approached the emotions she needed to deal with, "David was right. We were... we were great together. And I was just scared."

Not really understanding, Jane suspected more went on in Paterson's romantic life than she'd let on. At the bar the other night, alcohol loosened the scientists lips[MT2] and they learnt some of her ill-fated romantic history prior to meeting David. Zapata teased the blond about being that girl at the bar and forced Paterson to put away her phone. Only after they'd deposited Tasha in front of her building, did Jane get an abridged version of the short lived love affair, words slurred for dramatic affect.

"You had no idea any of this was gonna happen," Jane empathised. In the back of her mind, she wondered who she tried to convince, Paterson or herself. Those warning bells increased in volume and frequency and Jane knew she was close to a break through with her own situation.

"I wasted so much energy on why it wouldn't work, when I could've been... I loved him. And... and I... he was right in front of me, and I should've just held onto him. Instead, I just pushed him away. And now, he's gone." Finally Patterson allowed all the pent up emotion to come out in a sob. "I don't know how I could've gotten through today without all of you."

Jane stayed, supporting her friend, until Paterson's daemons quietened. Finally able to move, the blonde cleaned the tear tracks from her eyes. It would take a long time to come to terms with such a momentous loss and start on the long road to resolution. Sitting in that cold, clinical change room and watching Paterson dry her eyes, Jane considered everything she knew about herself. It amounted to nine weeks and three days of memories, plus an image or two from her previous life.

 _Grief,_ Jane realised, _I'm feeling grief for the life I lost. Am I assigning more importance to the memories of Tree Man than I should? Am I holding on to them out of hope?_

In the next moment she knew that not to be the case. The memories plagued her, teased and taunted her, forced Jane pick at them until they unwound and spilled their secret. Yet in this new life, only Weller stood out from everything else. Jane felt safe with him, but stifled at the same time. She trusted the man but didn't know where she stood with him. He caused her mind to quiet and go into emotional overdrive simultaneously. He was, she realised, her David. So what did that make Tree Man?

Paterson and Jane walked out of the building together, in quiet companionship. Neither needed to say more, they just needed to know there were not alone. The two agents assigned to Jane herded the women into the back seat of the waiting SUV. Without a word, because everyone in the division heard about Paterson's personal loss, they made a deviation tot their usual route. Depositing the scientist at her door left Jane alone in the back seat. She had far too much time to explore the ideas currently running rampant in her head.

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Next chapter is written. I really need a beta. If anyone is free, please give me a PM. Thanks.


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